College is not just a place for academic growth; it’s also a place for cultivating lifelong friendships. Making friends in college can be both exciting and challenging, but with the right mindset and approach, you can build meaningful connections that last a lifetime. I’ve been lucky enough to meet some amazing friends at Alabama that I know will be in my life forever, but it honestly wasn’t easy. Transitioning from high school friends who have known you your whole life to meeting new people you know nothing about can be super scary. It’s important to realize that making friends can be kind of like dating in the sense that you should be aware of red flags when they present themselves. In this comprehensive guide, we’ll explore the art of making friends, differentiating between good and bad friends, recognizing red flags, and maintaining strong relationships throughout your college journey.
1. How to Make Friends:
a. Be Open-Minded:
Approach each day with an open mind and a willingness to meet new people. Attend orientation events, join clubs, and participate in social gatherings to expand your social circle.
b. Initiate Conversations:
Take the first step by initiating conversations. Whether it’s a simple greeting in class or striking up a discussion about shared interests, making the first move is crucial.
c. Join Clubs and Organizations:
Explore your interests and hobbies by joining clubs and organizations. This is a great way to meet like-minded individuals and form connections based on shared passions.
d. Attend Social Events:
Attend campus events, parties, and gatherings. These occasions provide a relaxed atmosphere where people are often more open to making new friends.
e. Utilize Social Media:
Leverage social media platforms to connect with classmates and join college groups. Online interactions can pave the way for in-person friendships. The Alabama class Facebook pages were a huge way to meet friends when I was a freshman. I know tons of people who started texting other people on these pages and then had friends to hang out with right when they got to school.
2. Good Friends vs. Bad Friends:
a. Qualities of Good Friends:
- Supportive: Good friends offer emotional support during both highs and lows.
- Trustworthy: Trust is the foundation of any strong friendship. Good friends can be relied upon.
- Respectful: Healthy friendships are built on mutual respect for each other’s boundaries and opinions.
- Honest: Open and honest communication is key to maintaining a strong friendship.
b. Red Flags in Bad Friends:
Lack of Empathy:
- A friend who is indifferent to your feelings and experiences may not be invested in the friendship.
Constant Negativity:
- Friends who consistently bring negativity into your life can drain your energy and hinder personal growth. You are who you surround yourself with, and being friends with a negative person is not worth it. Something I have learned in friendships is that if your friend talks negatively about other people in front of you, they do it behind your back about you, too. Friends are supposed to make your life better and add to it, rather than tear you down and make you feel insecure.
Betrayal of Trust:
- If a friend constantly breaks promises or betrays your trust, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. I’ve noticed in college that a lot of people tend to have an “every man for themselves” mindset. This means they will step on others to get where they want to go, disregarding the damage they are doing. These people will never see an issue with what they are doing, and should be avoided when looking to make lasting friendships.
One-sided Relationships:
- Friendships should be mutually beneficial. If you find yourself constantly giving without receiving, it might be an imbalanced friendship. I have been in situations where I have felt like I was the only one initiating plans or hang outs. This is a draining feeling and is not a real friendship. When in this situation, I stop reaching out first and put the ball in their court. If they don’t reach out to you, they are not someone who has your best interest. Remember, if your absence doesn’t bother someone, your presence never really mattered.
3. Recognizing Red Flags:
a. Inconsistent Behavior:
Be wary of friends who exhibit inconsistent behavior or mood swings. This could indicate deeper issues that may impact the stability of the friendship.
b. Lack of Accountability:
Friends who refuse to take responsibility for their actions or constantly blame others may not be conducive to a healthy friendship.
c. Isolation:
If a friend encourages you to isolate yourself from others or engages in gossip, it may be a sign of toxicity.
d. Manipulation:
Watch out for signs of manipulation, such as guilt-tripping or playing mind games. Healthy friendships are built on honesty and respect, not manipulation.
4. Maintaining Relationships:
a. Communication is Key:
Regular and open communication is essential for maintaining strong friendships. Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with your friends, and encourage them to do the same.
b. Quality Time:
Invest time in your friendships by spending quality time together. Whether it’s grabbing a coffee, going for a walk, or attending events together, sharing experiences is important when making new friends. Try recommending something other than just going out, like an event you may have been wanting to go to.
c. Resolving Conflicts:
Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship. Approach conflicts with a willingness to understand each other’s perspectives and find common ground for resolution. Avoid waiting until issues become big and address them when they happen. This will prevent high tensions and awkward conversations.
d. Celebrate Successes:
Celebrate each other’s achievements, big or small. Being genuinely happy for your friends fosters a positive and supportive atmosphere in the friendship. A simple gesture like sending them a kind text or grabbing them their favorite coffee goes a long way.
5. Being Confident Enough to Make Friends:
a. Embrace Your Authentic Self:
Confidence stems from embracing your authentic self. Be proud of your strengths and acknowledge your areas for growth. Authenticity attracts genuine connections.
b. Positive Self-Talk:
Challenge negative self-talk and replace it with positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your worth and the qualities that make you a great friend.
c. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone:
Growth occurs outside of your comfort zone. Challenge yourself to initiate conversations, attend social events, and take risks in forming new connections.
d. Learn from Rejections:
Rejections are a natural part of the friendship-building process. Instead of dwelling on them, view them as opportunities to learn and improve your social skills. You will eventually meet the right people who make you feel appreciated and accepted as you are.
Making and maintaining friendships in college is a dynamic process that requires effort, communication, and self-awareness. By being open-minded, distinguishing between good and bad friends, recognizing red flags, and actively nurturing your relationships, you can create a supportive social network that enhances your college experience and extends far beyond graduation. Embrace the journey, cherish the connections you form, and enjoy the friends, good and bad, that you make throughout your college years.
