Nearly three decades after her affair with President Bill Clinton became one of the most talked-about scandals in history, Monica Lewinsky reflects on that chapter of her life. She shared her thoughts in a deeply personal conversation on the Call Her Daddy podcast with Alex Cooper.
On the February 26th episode, Lewinsky, now in her 50s, gave listeners an honest glimpse into her younger self. Showing us the pain of the aftermath, and how she’s worked to reclaim her identity in the years that followed.
Monica Reasseses the Affair
“I think when you’re 22, you think you know everything,” Lewinsky said, acknowledging the confidence that often comes with youth. “‘I’m a f—ing adult now. I know everything.’ But looking back, I feel like, ‘Oh, little 20-year-old me,'” she admitted with a laugh. “I thought it was something it wasn’t. My feelings were real, and it was very painful to have people talking about this in a way that wasn’t true.”
Lewinsky became a household name in 1998 when her two-year affair with Clinton was exposed. At the time, Bill Clinton was married to Hillary Clinton, and the scandal rocked the political world. Bill was impeached by the House of Representatives but ultimately acquitted in 1999. He served out the remainder of his second term.
Years later, Lewinsky’s perspective on the affair has evolved. “Even though I will always be defined in some way by my history, I am also defined by my present,” she said. Lewinsky has worked hard to reshape her identity, beyond just being “the other woman” in a major political scandal.
Reflecting on How It Should’ve Been Handled
Looking back on how the affair was handled, Lewinsky believes things could have been very different. “The right way to handle a situation like that would have been to say it was nobody’s business and to resign or find a way of staying in office that wasn’t lying,” Lewinsky said. “Instead, [Clinton] threw a young person under the bus. I don’t want to be naïve, though. We’re talking about the most powerful office in the world.”
She was asked whether she ever expected an apology from those involved in the scandal. Lewinsky admitted, a handful of people involved have privately expressed regret. She revealed has never received an apology from the high-profile figures central to the investigation. “None of the people who were involved in the investigation, the names that were above the fold, have ever apologized,” Lewinsky said. “But I’m at a place where I don’t need it anymore.”
The Impact of Public Shaming
The scandal’s aftermath left Lewinsky struggling with deep emotional and psychological fallout. She recalled experiencing “many rock-bottom moments” as the public scrutiny took its toll. “I remember thinking, ‘If my therapist answers the phone, then I’ll stay. If she doesn’t, I’m out.’ It was that low,” she shared.
Lewinsky’s experience led her to become an advocate for anti-bullying and cyberbullying prevention, a cause she is passionate about. “What I experienced, and now why I care so much about anti-bullying, is because I understand what it’s like to have the entire world laugh at you,” she said, emphasizing how the rise of social media has made online shaming even more devastating.
Monica Considering a New Identity
At one point, Lewinsky even considered changing her name to escape the stigma attached to her. “There was definitely a period when I thought about it,” she admitted. “But then I realized, how would that work? What would I say if someone called me Monica?” She also briefly toyed with changing her name on her resume, but quickly realized it wouldn’t have helped. “I’m not ashamed of who I am. Why should I have to change my name?” she said, pointing out that no one would have suggested Clinton change his name in the aftermath of the scandal.
Her name has played a role in her dating life as well. “Part of why I haven’t done online dating is that I don’t want to start something with a lie,” Lewinsky explained. “If I don’t use my real name, I’m already starting off in a false way, and that doesn’t feel right to me.”
Navigating Love and Dating
Lewinsky has had a complicated relationship with dating since the scandal. She expressed that while she has always dated, her experiences haven’t always been successful. “I wanted to get married and have kids, but now I’m past the age of having kids naturally,” she shared, acknowledging that her dating life has been difficult at times. She also revealed that there have been instances where potential partners were more interested in the notoriety of dating her than in a genuine relationship. “I have a good ‘bulls— detector,’” she said with a laugh.
Lewinsky also touched on how the scandal’s impact on her public image has complicated her relationships, especially when it comes to intimacy. “It’s hard to fully own your sexuality when you’ve been so sexualized and humiliated around sex,” she explained. “It makes intimacy more complicated.”
Power Imbalance: A Critical Reflection
Lewinsky opened up about the power imbalance at play in her affair with Clinton, acknowledging that these dynamics weren’t fully discussed nearly three decades ago. “I never should’ve been in that position,” she said bluntly. “This wasn’t sexual assault, but there was a power differential, and it made the situation much more complex.”
One piece of advice Lewinsky would give her 22-year-old self, it’s clear: “Do not go to Washington”. Her reflections highlight the profound impact that power, age, and vulnerability can have on relationships. This is greater in the context of politics.
Monica Moving Forward
Monica Lewinsky’s conversation offered a deep and vulnerable look at how she has processed the years of public scrutiny. SHowing how she’s rebuilt her life and sense of self in the epsiode. While the past will always be a part of her, Lewinsky is determined not to let it define her completely. As she put it, “Even though I will always be defined in some way by my history, I am also defined by my present.”
Through her advocacy work, her candid interviews, and her commitment to sharing her story, Lewinsky is taking control of her narrative. One that has been shaped by immense public scrutiny, but one that is also defined by her resilience and ability to grow from it.
